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The first part of this was written for the onepieceyaoi100 comm, "exhaustion" challenge. The 5-part sequel came later.
The management is not responsible for any brain breakage which may occur.
"Zoro~! Get up!"
Zoro swatted at the breath tickling his cheek, kept his eyes firmly shut. "Y'said you'd lemme sleep," he mumbled, ignoring the prodding against his side. As well as certain other places.
The damn cook's kick was quite a bit less gentle. "We did. For a whole thirty minutes. Geddup!"
Sighing, Zoro forced open one eye. Sanji was contorted in interesting ways to apply his toes to Zoro's temple while not disturbing Nami, reclining with her head on Sanji's stomach, the cook's long fingers idly playing in her hair. That silky auburn contrasted warmly with the smooth pale planes of his belly, but Zoro couldn't find the strength to reach out his hand and enjoy those textures.
"Zo~ro~," Luffy said again, then flattened his whole bare, supple length against Zoro, and wriggled.
"L-luffy," he groaned—and dammit, for an idiot his captain had mastered that art all too friggin' well—and some parts of Zoro were not nearly as exhausted as they should be—"it's already been...uh..."
"Five hours," Nami supplied, then squeaked as Luffy rolled off Zoro onto her, grinning.
"Zoro's up," he announced proudly. "And dawn's hours away, it's not even light out yet! Isn't that great?"
About which Zoro lacked the energy—and, after a moment, the inclination—to disagree.
Half an hour later, Sanji flopped down beside him, flushed and sweating. "And to think I used to wonder why you nap all the damn time," he growled in Zoro's ear. "Tomorrow night, we're getting that long-nosed bastard in here. Screw fidelity to that girl of his, this is a matter of survival."
Zoro grunted agreement, rolled over and went to sleep.
Sanji went first. Following dinner, while Usopp did dishes, the cook prepared a tray, then prowled to his crewmate by the sink. "Hey."
"Thought you might like dessert." Dipping the spoon into the mousse, he glided it into Usopp's mouth so smoothly the younger man had no chance to duck.
"San—" Usopp's eyes widened, first as Sanji's hand brushed his cheek as it withdrew, and then at the mouthful. The dish he was scrubbing fell and shattered in the sink. Swallowing—slow and deep, savoring every flavor of cream and chocolate sliding down his tongue, he licked up the last traces, then gasped, "Sanji—that—so good—you made it for Nami?"
"Nami-san will get some later," Sanji purred. "But you like it?"
"I'm glad." The cook's next spoonful was eagerly accepted. Usopp, lips closing around the silver and eyes closed in appreciation, didn't jerk back when Sanji's fingers traced a line down his neck, though his spine stiffened.
"Only one bite left," Sanji murmured, apologetically. Then, "Whoops," as the spoon flipped from his hand and splashed into the dishwater. "Guess we can't use that anymore."
"But there's a clean spoon right—" Sanji's mousse-dipped finger slid into Usopp's mouth, silencing him. Then Sanji's lips were against his neck, nibbling like he was made of chocolate himself.
"I'll be making more tonight," Sanji breathed in his ear, "if you'd care to join us," and he sealed their mouths together, tight enough that there was the faint pop of a broken vacuum when Usopp shoved them apart.
"Thanks—no thanks!" he squeaked, and scrambled out of the kitchen.
Sanji exhaled hard, dropping down to the floor, the tray rattling beside him. He touched his lips, blinking at the lingering tastes. "Well, damn," he said, and lit a cigarette.
"So, no luck."
The cook smoked furiously. "Long-nosed bastard."
"Maybe he likes girls."
"I like girls!" Sanji protested.
Zoro snorted. "Yeah, sure sounded like it last night, when Luffy was on top of you...so that shrieking about hearts and stars and—"
"Another girl would be fun," Nami said thoughtfully.
"Yes! Nami-san likes girls too, then?"
Nami considered it. "Pretty ones, sure. Wouldn't mind trying it."
"Nami-san is so open to new experiences!"
"But since there aren't any others onboard," Nami said, stretching in ways calculated to pop Sanji's eyeballs from their sockets, "I guess this needs a woman's touch."
Usopp disagreed, however, shying back as if she were sweating hydrochloric acid when she offered a massage. "Not you, too—I'm okay with it, really...with a pillow over my head I hardly hear anything, but—"
Nami squeezed onto the workbench beside him, thigh to thigh. "Why not? Because they're guys?"
"N-no." Usopp sidled back from that heat, the supple give of her flesh against his. "I mean—I'm not really gay, but Sanji's...er—and Zoro—and Luffy's just..."
"Then stop using that girl as an excuse—"
"Kaya's not an excuse!" His glare was so furious she pulled away, and his eyes dropped, angry flush transmuting to a blush. "I never told her, but, I really hope, someday...she and I..."
Nami, studying his face, smiled. "Aww, Usopp, that's so sweet!"
He glanced at her, then quickly away from the warm sparkle in her eyes. "Then you'll..."
"But that's someday, and you're here now," Nami continued cheerfully. "And what does Kaya have that I don't?" She leaned over to make her point—two of them, pressed all too cozily against him. "Or Sanji, if it's the blondes—"
Usopp locked himself in the bathroom that night.
"Your turn, swordsman."
"Though if he really doesn't want to—"
"He wants to, Nami-san."
"You mean, you want him to."
Sanji exhaled a long, wistful curl of smoke. "And you don't?"
"Mmm...you know what they say about men with big noses..."
"So, get to it, Zoro."
Zoro opened one eye. "How?"
"You're the strongest, right? We're not expecting romance, just hold him down and rape him."
"Er, Nami-san, are you sure that'd work?"
"It always does in my doujinshi. Up and at 'im, Zoro."
With a grunt like a suppressed sigh, Zoro stood and crossed the deck. Exchanging glances, Sanji and Nami followed.
Usopp, hearing Zoro's approaching footfalls as a drum beating the march to the gallows, looked frantically around the cabin, but there was nowhere to hide except behind the couch. Which was too close to the couch for comfort. Luffy, napping on the figurehead, would be too far away to hear his screams. He wondered how much it would take before he broke down and cried.
The door opened, and Usopp froze, like a rabbit trying to be invisibly still on a highway.
"So," Zoro asked, "You want to join us tonight?"
Zoro turned to the two behind him. "He doesn't."
"So," Nami made shooing motions, "get with the raping!"
"Wait, I don't wanna—!"
"Don't worry, it'll be fun."
"Especially for us," Sanji agreed.
"But..." Usopp could only stare despairingly at Zoro's broad chest and perfectly toned biceps, imagining the tiger-like way he would lunge, the hot grip of those powerful hands around his wrists, forcing him to the floor...
But Zoro didn't move, only shook his head. "No."
Nami and Sanji glared. "You're just—"
"—giving up?" Usopp finished hopefully.
"I'm going to ask Luffy to do it."
Usopp gave up and sobbed.
Of everything in the world that terrified Usopp, the worst was the label 'coward'. So rather than waiting for Luffy to come to him, he girded his loins and marched into the lion's den. Or to the sheep's head, as it were.
He nearly lost his nerve when Luffy cheerfully hollered, "Usopp!" But before he could run, Luffy bounced off the figurehead and stretched a friendly arm around Usopp's quivering shoulders. "Zoro wanted me to ask you, tonight—"
"No." To his pride, his voice didn't crack. At least not on the first syllable. "I really really don't, not at all. Just leave me alone, especially at night, please don't make me—"
"Oh." Luffy withdrew his arm. "If you don't want to, never mind."
"You don't...want me?" Usopp asked, torn between hope and...something else.
Which was promptly shredded when Luffy said, "'Course I do! I have always. But if you don't want to—you can't make someone want something." He shouted across the ship, "Hey guys, leave Usopp alone now, okay? He doesn't want to."
Which was just what he wanted. Except something in the way Luffy said it, in how his hat was shadowing his eyes, made Usopp stammer, quite without meaning to, "It's not that I don't—it's not you. It's just, I don't like sharing a bed, and Zoro snores, and there's Kaya—"
"Usopp." Luffy grinned at him. "It's okay. 'Sides, there's other ways to do it."
"...Other ways?" Usopp wondered how many locks he should install on the cabin door.
"Yeah," Luffy said, "though they're not as fun. But some are easier. Like this," and he rocked onto his toes to put his mouth to Usopp's ear. Usopp flinched back, but all he felt was the warmth of Luffy's breath, whispering, "I love you."
"So that's it?"
"Captain's orders," Zoro said, shrugging. "He'll do what's right."
"We did leave it up to him," Nami said.
"What kind of shit orders are those?" Sanji growled. "Just because he likes a girl? How's that right? I like girls!"
"So? I like guys."
"I like sleep."
They looked at him. Zoro sighed. "Fine. I like Luffy. And sleep."
"And sleeping with Luffy."
"Not that you actually get sleep, with Luffy."
"The point here is that we're all going to die early deaths, because of that selfish bastard."
"You know," Nami remarked, "if you just told him 'no,' Luffy would listen."
Sanji, teeth locked around his cigarette, didn't reply, even when Nami's hand slipped under his collar to rub his shoulder.
"Stupid cook," Zoro muttered, took the cigarette out of Sanji's mouth and replaced it with his tongue.
Some minutes later, Sanji inhaled deeply from another cigarette, slumping against an equally breathless Nami. "It's still stupid," he muttered. "We're going to be here on the Grand Line for who knows how long, he's going to get lonely. And when we go back, Luffy would just ask his damn girl in anyway. So why can't we—"
"Hey, shut up," Zoro said, pointing to the cabin porthole, "and look outside."
Usopp wasn't sure where his other crewmates were, and was positive he didn't want to know. He also wasn't sure how Luffy had managed to doze off with his head in Usopp's lap, but he was unwilling to wake him, and it was comfortable sitting here in the warm sun. He pushed back the straw hat so the brim wouldn't get crumpled, soft black hair tickling the back of his hand.
He could almost hear that whisper still, as if it were continuing to vibrate in his ear—maybe because he was a liar, that such simple honesty rang so pure. And the way he had smiled when he said it... Usopp smiled himself, looking down at the head resting on his knee. Luffy slept with the same reckless, trusting abandon with which he did everything else. Watching the dreaming flutter of his eyelashes, his hand folded under the slender slope of his neck, something stirred in Usopp, almost painful.
But it was all over now; he'd told him honestly, and Luffy understood. He had nothing more to worry about.
He leaned down, until his nose was against Luffy's cheek, sea-scented and smooth, whispered, "Thank you."
And Luffy's wide eyes opened. "Gotcha!" he grinned, and turned his head to bring their mouths together.
Usopp retained his senses just long enough to realize that his other crewmates had returned from...wherever, and Zoro was saying something that sounded a lot like a smug, "There, I told you so," and then Luffy's arms were around him and Luffy's hands were against his skin and Usopp decided that he had nothing to worry about after all.
Which was good, because honestly, it was much too late for that.
See also the various orgy-verse drabbles.
Love to know what you think!