TITLE: Confidences
AUTHOR: XmagicalX
DATE: May, 2001
CATEGORY: Episode tag: Absolute Power; Angst
SPOILERS: Absolute Power (surprisingly enough)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Jack and Daniel talk, the night after Shifu comes.
DISCLAIMER: (here we go again) "Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the
property of Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko
Productions. This story was written for entertainment purposes only and no
money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
The story is the property of the author. Not to be archived without
permission of the author."
"Hello."
"...Hello?"
"What's that look?"
"Jack, why are you on my doorstep at 11 o'clock at night?"
"'Cause you weren't in your lab. What's up?"
"You and me, apparently."
"Sorry--didn't wake you, did I?"
"No...well, come in, I guess."
"I feel so welcome. Gotta say, this is a surprise."
"A surprise?"
"You at your apartment, Daniel. I'm telling you, I was shocked to see the lights in your lab out. When was the last time you were here before midnight?"
"Five days ago. Right after PS2-669."
"Doesn't count, Frasier ordered you home. But you got a clean bill of health today, right? No aftereffects?"
"None that she could find. It wasn't anything serious."
"I'd call being in a coma for six hours serious, but hey, that's me."
"It wasn't exactly a coma."
"Yeah, I know. The rapid eye movement stuff. So what were you dreaming about, anyway?"
"Doesn't matter... Janet did tell me to take it easy tonight."
"Which is why I expected you to be in the lab. That's where you usually go to recreate. So what are you doing here at your apartment--actually listening to the doctor's advice? You're slipping, Danny boy."
"...wanted to make sure it hadn't changed."
"What?"
"Nothing. I was relaxing. Haven't just sat down with a good book for a while."
"Whatcha reading?"
"In Sorcery's Shadow. Paul Stoller."
"A novel? You're reading a novel, Daniel? You sure you're feeling okay?"
"Actually it's an anthropologist's account of his apprenticeship with the sorcerers of the African Songhay."
"...Oh. Is it any good?"
"Fascinating, really. Stoller's something of a maverick in academia. Too much subjectivity in his research, a lot on firsthand, personal experience. I like his work."
"So this was just a bit of light reading before going to bed?"
"Well..."
"Which explains why you've got half a cup of coffee here, still warm."
"Give me back my coffee, Jack."
"This stuff'll keep you up all night."
"I do know how caffeine works, Jack."
"Not planning on sleep?"
"Think I got enough REM today."
"Yeah, what was up with that? General Hammond's jaw is still on the floor over Shifu's, um..."
"Departure."
"Yeah. Some light show. And then there's you, in a coma, then wide awake and sounding like Yoda--you're sure--"
"I'm fine, Jack."
"So what'd the kid make you dream about?"
"He didn't make me, exactly...he showed me."
"Showed you what?"
"That making him remember his inborn knowledge would be a bad thing."
"And what'd he show you to prove that?"
"It doesn't--"
"--matter. You keep saying that. So if it doesn't matter, why not just tell me? Then I'll leave you alone and you can get some sleep."
"Jack, please don't pour perfectly good coffee down my sink."
"It'd gotten cold. So."
"So?"
"I'm waiting."
"Jack...I really don't want to talk about it. I don't even remember all of it."
"So just tell me what you do remember."
"Shifu gave the dream to me."
"Meaning?"
"It's none of your business."
"If you fall asleep during our mission to PBS 7-11 or wherever because you haven't slept in a week, it's my business."
"I'll sleep later. I'm not tired now."
"That's because you've had half a pot of coffee. I'm gonna stay to see you don't drink more, unless you spill it why you're even more anti-shut-eye than usual."
"It's not--"
"You don't want to dream, do you. That's what has you freaked. You don't want to dream again about whatever the hell Shifu 'showed' you."
"...maybe."
"So, what? Was it all the Goa'uld memories? A thousand Hitlers shouting in your brain or something?"
"Or something."
"You dreamed about having a snake in you?"
"No. Not that. It was...worse."
"Worse? Daniel, I still have nightmares of when Hathor...forget it. I give up. What could be worse than getting a Goa'uld?"
"Being one."
"Being one? You were a snake? You were slithering around people's spinal cords--"
"No. It wasn't like that at all. Look, I don't want to think about it."
"You will anyway. Daniel, I know nightmares as least as well as you. And we both got enough experience to have doctorates in them. It doesn't work, trying not to think about bad dreams. Doesn't work to stay up and avoid them, either--you gotta sleep sometime and they'll be right there, waiting for you."
"So what's your solution? Talk about it? I thought I was the one into, what was it, Pop Psych 101?"
"It couldn't make things worse. And look at it this way--tell it really scary and you can sleep knowing you won't be the only one with nightmares."
"It wasn't frightening like that, Jack."
"Daniel, everything about the Goa'uld screws up my nights. I wake up in a cold sweat every time we deal with the Tok'ra. Heck, that Shifu kid was creepy enough."
"He's a good boy."
"What the Goa'uld did to him was wrong--and not just the aging thing. I'm almost glad he's out of our hands. He probably is better off forgetting all that snaky crap."
"He is."
"So what was in there..?"
"You're not going to give this up, are you."
"Nope. Not 'til you do. And don't tell me that if I leave now you won't sit up all night brooding. I know you better than that, Daniel. Since you're gonna do it either way I figure I'll stick around. Get a kick out of watching you wrestle with moral dilemmas."
"Thanks for the support."
"Better than the WWF. More honest, too."
"Jack."
"Daniel."
"..."
"...?"
"...I'll tell you what I dreamed if you answer a question. I need--I want a straight answer. Please."
"It's a deal. Shoot."
"What kind of man do you think I am?"
"Huh?"
"Really. What kind of man do you think I am?"
"You're a geek."
"Jack, I'm serious."
"I'm being serious! For crying out loud, Daniel, what do you want me to say? You're an archeologist. You're a genius. You're my teammate. What? If you want to know if you look good in glasses, ask Carter, I'm not going there."
"I want to know what you think of me. What you think I'm like. As a human being. Am I...a decent man?"
"You want to know if you're a good guy."
"I want to know what you think I am. As my--friend. Seriously. I promise I won't be offended, it won't change anything. I just want the truth."
"The truth."
"I want you to be honest."
"It won't screw up this whole friendship deal, if I mouth off and say what I really think. You aren't going to kick me out."
"I swear."
"Okay."
"...Well?"
"Honestly. Truthfully. Bottom of my heart. Daniel, you're not a good man--not just a good man--you're the best I know. The best I know of. You're the smartest man I know--since Carter's a girl--but that's the least of it. You've got more integrity, more honor, and more courage than almost any soldier I've ever served with. Not that you don't do stupid things, and not that you aren't annoying as hell sometimes, but your best is better than anyone's. I'm grateful to have you on my team, and I'm proud to be your friend. Damned proud."
"...oh."
"Uh huh."
"That--that's really what you think?"
"I'm not repeating it."
"Jack..."
"Yeah?"
"Th-thank you."
"I wasn't lying. It wasn't bullshit, none of it."
"I didn't--"
"Then what's with that look?"
"You--don't know me. Not that well."
"Now that is bullshit."
"I'm not like that. You don't know what I think, what I feel. What I'm capable of."
"Maybe, maybe not. That doesn't matter. No, I'm wrong. It does matter. That's what makes it, actually. You wouldn't be everything I know you are if you didn't have a dark side."
"Jack, have you been drinking?"
"No, and stop it. Now I really am serious. Daniel, it's not what you think, it's what you do. You're not perfect--couldn't stand you if you were. You're no angel; you're a human being. You get annoyed, you get angry, you can fear and hate and all that negative stuff. The point is that you don't let it stop you--you don't even let it slow you down. You risk your life for strangers. You put understanding over grief to forgive Teal'c. Hell, you gave peace to Apophis."
"It wasn't Apophis, it was the host--"
"You still had to look him in the face, without hating him--or if you did it didn't show, and that's what counts. I couldn't have done it--I don't know any other man who could've."
"I don't know if I still could."
"You don't know you as well as I do."
"Or maybe no one knows me. You or me. I let it win, Jack."
"Let what? When?"
"Shifu's knowledge. I let it dominate me, and I didn't fight it. I wanted it to. I wanted the power, I wanted the freedom. I didn't need to consider morality anymore, so I didn't. And I enjoyed it."
"Ah, for Chrissakes, is this that damn dream? What happened? I don't care if you want to think about it or not. I filled my half of the bargain. Come on, give. How bad can it be?"
"Bad."
"I'm waiting."
"I don't--"
"Spill it."
"...I woke up in the infirmary."
"Eh?"
"That's how the dream began. Shifu touched me, I woke up in the infirmary, and Janet told me..."
* * *
"...and then I woke up for real. You know the rest. That's it."
"Wow."
"That's all you can say?"
"Was I really stupid enough not to think of a shield and bring a knife along with a gun? You really think I'm that dumb?"
"Jack."
"Okay, okay. Ouch. Talk about your headtrips. And I thought that blood of Sokar junk was bad."
"It wasn't a hallucination. It was...a vision."
"It was seriously messed up, that's what it was. Daniel Jackson takes over the world. Can't picture it, somehow. And me playing Pinky to your Brain, no less."
"Huh?"
"Forget it. So you're down because in a vision you blew up Moscow."
"It wasn't only that. What I did to you--to all of you...God, Teal'c, I set him up, I got him killed. And then Sam...everyone else...I wouldn't have stopped."
"Daniel."
"No limits, nothing holding me back...I might've destroyed the Goa'uld, but Earth would have been left with me, and that would've been even worse--"
"Daniel. Look at me. It didn't happen. It was all in your head--or in Shifu's. It could've been a trick. Or a metaphor. You don't know if it really would happen anything like that."
"It would have. The dream was true, I know it."
"Or maybe Shifu made you think you know it. Screwing around with your brain--you don't know what he could've done."
"He wouldn't hurt me. He or Oma. They only wanted to teach me...wanted me to understand."
"And now you do. Fine. Great. You've learned your lesson, so why not let it go?"
"I--can't. It's not that simple. If you'd seen... Jack, promise me you never will. Promise me you'll never let it go that far."
"What are you talking about?"
"If anything like that really happens, if I'm corrupted...I don't want--it can't happen. I refuse to have it happen. Promise me you'll kill me before I let it win."
"Daniel--"
"Please, Jack. I can't--I won't go that way. Not that path. I won't."
"Daniel, look at me. Look me in the eye. Okay. No promises. I won't make a promise I might not be able to carry out. But I swear to God I'll try."
"You'll do it. You're good, you know what you're doing. In reality you'll bring that knife."
"Not the issue, Daniel. Yeah, I'd bring it. But I don't know if I could throw it."
"You would. You'd have to, and you would. God, if you had seen me..."
"I know why it was you."
"What?"
"I know why Shifu, or his foster mom, whoever--I know why they gave the vision to you instead of just any old schmuck."
"Because Shifu wanted to meet me, to learn about Sha're. And because I thought my path lead to him."
"Nope. Don't think that's it."
"Why, then?"
"He wasn't teaching just you--he was teaching all of us. He expected you to tell us about that dream, so we'd all get it. So we'd all understand how dangerous that knowledge in his head is. I mean, some of it sounds great in principle. We could do with a couple of those satellites."
"No. It's not worth the price."
"Don't you get tired of being right all the time? But Daniel, that's it. That was the point."
"I'm not following."
"Shifu proved his case by giving you that vision, if it was what really could happen. Because, Daniel, if that knowledge could turn you into a megalomaniac--if that power could corrupt you--then no one is safe. If Shifu had done it to anyone else--a politician, me, heck, even Carter or Teal'c--there'd be some question, that maybe someone else, someone stronger, could resist the temptation. Maybe we could find someone incorruptible. But if you lost it--none of us have a chance."
"Jack...you don't know me as well as you think."
"No, it's just you don't know everyone else. We all have dark sides, we all have petty, vindictive, nastiness in us. What makes all the difference is what part we listen to, what we act upon. And sometimes it can be too much for anyone. You got it, what you told Shifu, about sometimes the way to win is not to fight."
"To deny it battle."
"Yeah."
"Actually Shifu told me that."
"Huh. Smart kid. Wish I understood whatever the hell he was talking about the rest of the time."
"So do I."
"Hey, Daniel. What he said to you right before...departing. About you finding your own path. You got a clue what he meant?"
"I'm still working on it."
"Any ideas yet?"
"Some."
"...Well? You aren't gonna go like the kid and become a florescent jellyfish, are you? Ascend to a higher plane or whatever..."
"I don't think so."
"Good."
"Is it?"
"Yeah. Glowing energy beings are a dime a dozen, but there's only one Dr. Daniel Jackson. And he belongs on SG-1."
"...Jack, is that why you came over? Were you worried I was going to quit the team, try to go after Shifu?"
"Uh...not exactly...not the going after Shifu part. I don't think you're Zen enough to follow him yet. But, I don't know...if you didn't have him to look for anymore, maybe you wouldn't think you needed to stick around."
"I haven't really been looking for him since we went to Kheb."
"Yeah, well, I thought so, but then after what he said about you finding your own path..."
"I think...I think I've already found it. I think my path is through the Stargate. With SG-1. I don't have anywhere else to go--I don't want to be anywhere but here."
"Was kinda hoping you'd say that."
"God, Jack. You look so...relieved."
"I am. It's been a bitch of a year, Daniel. So much has gone down--between all of us--I wasn't sure where we stood anymore."
"Not where we used to be. Further down the path."
"Now you really are sounding like the kid."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Suit yourself."
"Jack...thank you."
"For what?"
"For...for coming over. For talking. For looking relieved."
"You're welcome. Anytime. Thank you, for the same kind of stuff."
"Jack--thank you too for promising to try."
"Daniel--"
"Even if you don't know me, I know you. You say if I can be corrupted, anyone could, but in my dream you weren't, once you understood. Everyone tried to talk to me, but you're the only one I heard. I didn't listen to you--but I heard. And if it really happens, I trust you to stop it. You're my conscience, Jack. You're the one who keeps me from that path."
"I...don't...thank you, Daniel. I... Thank you."
"Well. Don't know about you, but I'm ready to turn in."
"Uh...yeah...hey, I thought you said you'd slept enough."
"Coffee's worn off."
"If I leave, you swear you'll go straight to bed like a good little archeologist?"
"Scout's honor, yes sir."
"One of these days I gotta teach you what a proper salute looks like."
"Good night, Jack."
"'Night, Daniel. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. And Daniel--pleasant dreams."
"Yours too, Jack. I'll see you tomorrow."